Princess Confidence

Tra-la-la.
Remember when we were younglings and we'd make-believe we were a princess, or pretend to pour tea into those teeny, pink cups..... or in my case; pretend that Jonathan Taylor Thomas was my boyfriend..... (I made out with a bread roll during this pretend).
Our little imaginations zoomed us out of the "burbs" and placed us in faraway lands. In fact, our imaginations were so powerful that sometimes it was hard to grasp reality when we'd been lost in the make believe...(telling people that I was dating Jonathan Taylor Thomas).
Even today as a mother, I can often convince my stubborn mind that I am not tired-especially when baby bright eyes wakes me up seven times a night. Or last week; I convinced myself that I loved water-and I did-until I had that fatal sip of Coke and remembered what ecstasy tasted like. The truth is, pretending works even for adults, especially when our minds have to be cajoled into something.
When I was a teen, I looked something like a cross between a young Hermione Granger and Ugly Betty: braces, frizzy hair, zits galore....
I decided that even though I was a member of the fugly gang, I was not going to let anyone intimidate me. I would walk into the cafeteria and coach myself by saying: "NO ONE INTIMIDATES YOU-NO ONE" and I would strut around with my nose in the air, like I didn't have mosquito-bite boobs and there wasn't a "kick me" sign stuck to my back. For a while it was just an act. I was pretending to be confident even though I really wasn't, and then....I can't pin-point when- it became a reality. I morphed into the self assured girl, I was pretending to be. Isn't that the way with everything? "Hang out with the wrong crowd" -your mom used to say-"and you'll become just like them..". Be friends with a super cool fashionista and you'll find yourself accessorising. Pretending you're confident will start as a behavior, turn into a habit and become a mindset. Osmosis if you will. You are training yourself by using mind over matter.
When I used to walk into a room, I would remind myself that the people in it, were just that-people. They pooped the same way I did, came into this world the same way I did and most likely felt insecure the same way I did. If I was in a room of non-Christians, I would remember that I had the upper hand because I knew truth and they didn't. If it was a Christian thing... well we all know what nerds Christians tend to be-you don't have to try very hard to feel cooler than them. So go swagger around the grocery store like you're the hottest girl there, give your presentation as if you're the only one that's smart and make purring noises at the boy you like-actually-no, don't do this-but you get my drift....
To this day-No one intimidates me....and if I'm scared-I talk myself out of it.
So coin whatever phrase works for you (mine=No one intimidates you Tarryn-NO ONE), and claim it like your bastard child.

Good luck and goodnight.

Bloggerphoria

To everyone who has been sending me e-mails and writing comments about the blogs-thank you. You have no idea how happy it makes me that you find value in my humble opinions :).
It is because of the nice things that you say, that I keep writing-call me a whore for compliments. I love you all, and I pray for all of you often.

Incentive: breaking the habit for God's sake

Last time, we spoke about the dire need for you to change your thought patterns. Thought bashing is habitual and so ingrained in your personality, that it is going to take discipline and dedication in order to remove it from your daily process. Before we move on to anything else, I would like to take the time to remind you of something......God feels. He feels a million times more intensely then we do. He created the emotions in us and we are simply made in his image, therefore what we feel is just a shadow of what he feels. This includes the way we love, hurt, experience joy etc.

Every time you complain about yourself, whether in thought or word, you are insulting God's divine intelligence. Now, I am going to give you an analogy that insults your intelligence:
You're having a baby. Let's say it's a girl, we'll name her Muffin. You've been trying to have Muffin for a very long time, and you are overjoyed that she is coming. Let's say that in 2015, there is this ultra modern technology that allows you to play God and chose how Muffin will be made. So after much deliberation, you give Muffin green eyes, blond curls (your grandmother had blond curls and she was the godliest women you knew), and you gift her with this rock awesome musical ability. But, just to make sure Muffin doesn't get distracted from her music, you add some "bad at math" into the batch to ensure that there will be no joining of the "Math League" for your precious baby.
Muffin grows into a headstrong tween-she's beautiful. Except, she's not turning out quite the way you planned. She's a people pleaser; she hates her gorgeous, blond hair because in the future it's cool to have brown hair. Her musical talent is undeniable, but she constantly finds fault with it and calls herself a loser because she's bad at math. She starts imitating her friends-which makes you pinch your lips in distaste-those brats were conceived the old fashioned way, and don't have a smidgen of the stuff Muffin has. She begins series of destructive behavior; cutting herself, dating boys who will grow up to suppress women and dying her incredible hair that was a gift from your grandmother. All the while, your heart is breaking because you created Muffin to change the world, and here she is farting away her potential. It would hurt you so much to know that you gave this girl the tools to be great and all she did was whine about her shortcomings. It would be a slap in the face.

Please stop slapping God in the face.
He knew what He was going when he made you and it was done for a purpose. You are a fool to think that anything in a God-given life has no reason or rhyme to it.
Your face; planned. Your mind; planned. Your hooked nose; planned.
The sooner you embrace the fact that each item in your being was created to serve Jesus Christ, the healthier you'll be. Perhaps, had He made you perfect looking, you would have sought a modelling contract instead of college and by 22 you would have a cocaine addiction instead of a ministry with youth. Selfish. Would you really trade the purpose for your life for a flatter stomach?...for larger eyes? You were fearfully and wonderfully made according to what God thinks is beautiful. Now, you can be stubborn and insist that Vogue is right, but rest assured that Vogue isn't going to Heaven and answering to God. And really ladies, can you imagine standing in front of God's throne and reciting your complain list? Mine would go something like this:

"Gee, thanks God-loove the chicken legs you gave me-not! I totally hate them. Oh and my personality-it sucks-I tell the truth, but guess what?- no one likes to hear it. Oh, and I'm pretty dense-can't do algebra. You couldn't have been a little more generous in the brain department huh?"......


He hears you, you know? Every time you think these things, he hears you.

Just a little incentive to fix the problem...........

Confidence Speaks!

We've looked at some of the probable causes of your insecurity. We've also looked at how Satan benefits from it. Now we need to take some steps towards change. This is step one of the "action" portion of our little seminar.

Ready?

Good.


In 2004 the Cancer Recovery Foundation of America did research into the power of positive thinking and made the following statement:

"Psychosomatic illnesses can worsen when given special attention. Instead of paying direct attention to pain or illness, every time a negative thought occurs, say something like, "It will be better than I think." When a wish of any desired condition is established in the mind, somehow the unconscious mind leads the wish to realization-not magically, but through mental programming."

Thousands of people across America have made similar claims in response to the "miraculous" healing of their disease. I believe this to be true. I also believe that if positive thinking can heal people of their physical ailments, it can work the same way for emotional ones.

Having a lack of confidence is like emotional cancer. It eats away at your potential until there is nothing left but the skeleton of what you could be. Now girls, if we look at two very important verses you will see that the Bible backs up these claims.

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit." (Proverbs 18:21)

"A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit." (Proverbs 15:4)

Helloooooo, God is telling us that our words have power.
So, constantly rehearsing all of your "shortcomings" in your mind forces you to believe them. You are programming yourself to fail in life. Pretty damn sad isn't it?

You can speak confidence into your being. This means that when a thought like: "I'm not as pretty as her" pops into your head, you immediately take a baseball bat to it, and hit it out of the mental field.DO NOT ENTERTAIN INSECURE THOUGHTS. Thinking dour thoughts about yourself is so much a part of your everyday, that they pop up automatically. AND when they do, you have to learn to immediately chase them away. Think of it as if your having a beach picnic. Sea Gulls are going to swoop in from every direction, screaming while trying to steal your lunch. You'll have to wave your arms,yell, get aggressive in order to chase them away. And if you've ever had a sub at the beach, you'll know that they are persistent little buggers. Get aggressive with your thoughts. Be disciplined and smack at them like the mosquitoes they are.

Next

Replace them. If your insecurity tells you that Barbara Big Boobs has a much better body than you, you politely remind your insecurity that if Barbara's body and your intelligence went to war, you'd lay her out in five seconds flat. Or you can simply rely on the fact that you are more creative, or that you're busy working out to attain a Barbie physique, or that her mousy hair will never shine like yours. Find a couple things that you really like about yourself and focus on them. If you can't think of any, e-mail me and I'll let you know what they are.
None of us can have it all. Either your scales are heavy on the beauty or they are tipping deep on talent or intelligence. The good news is: you can make yourself prettier by working out, using make-up and dressing appropriately for your body type: you can make yourself more knowledgeable by LEARNING (reading): and you can find your hidden talents by exploring (EVERYONE HAS TALENTS). But you ain't gonna get anywhere by speaking insecurities into existence. Practice makes perfect my little darlings. If you are half as consistent in reminding yourself about your strengths as you were in telling yourself how much you sucked-you will be on a healthy start to healing that gashing wound we call self dissatisfaction.

Viva Positive thoughts!

And the Feminist says: Praise the Lord!

So we all had the flu a few weeks ago; Little Miss, James and I. And James swears that he had something different to what Scarlet and I had. He didn't of course. We all sufferred equally. However, while Scarlet and I dealt with our sickness like Amazon warriors, James kinda looked like a wilted french fry. I remember my dad walking around the house moaning-literally-Moaning when he was sick. It was like someone was slicing off his toes. My mom with the same illness would go to work, come home and make dinner, take care of sick him, sick me......

I'd love to see them give birth...maybe to their egos. Their eyes would be bulging, they'd be roaring and bucking around-commanding all the women in the room to submit to them.....and then they'd hold their little egos in their arms and feel so darn good about the fact that it had the largest penis in the room.


Seriously, all nonsense aside; it's so much harder to be a woman than it is to be a man. We are superior in most everything and yet we are commanded to submit. It's like telling a lion to eat his vegetables. It's unnatural and infuriating. Yet the Bible asks us to deny ourselves often. So we must.(I'm also the biggest hypocrite because I don't)

You know what I find uber annoying? When those docile, Christian wives look at you sideways for having an opinion. They act like because women are told to submit, they are supposed to be quiet and meek all the time. I'm pretty sure that the Proverbs woman, who ran her home, a successful business and took care of her children and husband, wasn't sitting in Mr. Proverbs shadow. Pretty sure that the super accomplished Proverbs woman would look at the docile, Christian wife sideways.

It's no suprise to me that the Bible commands women to be submissive. The Bible is always commanding greatness to be humble- to be a servant. Jesus served us. We serve men. Follow the big, bad, manly husband. Not because we are less, but because there are laws to follow. Give unto Ceasar what is Ceasar's. We are equal with God-given boundaries. It sucks and hopefully we get a crown for it or something. I'd like a pair of fourteen karat gold stilhetto's with diamond encrusted buckles that sing "Wild Thing" when I walk. (Please, please, please God...)

We are supposed to be Helpmeets. What does that mean? Are you ready?
Helping.....your man....Meet...his potential. We are exhorters, encouragers, orgaizers, lovers. We give birth to them, we raise them to be good men and then we marry them to make sure they are being good men. And that is no second rate job either sister. We have the bucking, wild ego's to contend with. A man is the head and the woman is the neck that turns the head in the right direction. Without the neck, the head wouldn't be able to see all the angles.So stop acting like dull eyed, dim witted barbie dolls and have a freaking opinion. Your opinion could make all the difference to that man-beast you're married to.

The Purpose of Insecurity

Ephesians 5:12
"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world. Against spiritual wickedness in high places."

Let's play the "what if" game.

What if-your insecurity is actually an attack on your person, to hinder your usefulness for God?

What if-you are so focused on your shortcomings, that the gifts and talents God has placed inside of you are going ignored?

What if-God has specific purpose for your life, specific people that he needs you to reach, and you are so consumed by your insecurity you are walking right past them?


I'm not going to tell you something sweet about how your image suffering is going to bring glory to God. That's not even close to the truth. What it is doing, is affecting your ability to do His will here on earth.

I think this is one of those genius plans that Lucifer's war generals developed: How to render Christian women of the 21st century useless.
(raspy voice)"We'll make them feel inferior. Make beauty an issue, skinniness and issue. We'll make men abuse them, until they spend their lives feeling so inadequate God couldn't use them if he tried."
How clever to attack a woman's confidence so that it maims her boldness.Or so that it fills her mind leaving no room for anything else.

While you focus on your inadequacies, your enemy is stealing your potential. He's telling you that you don't have any. The noise of what is wrong with you is so loud in your head that when God speaks and tells you to do something, you can't hear him.
God has given each of us gifts and talents. We are supposed to find out what they are, develop them and use them. But you don't even know you have them because you are too busy fretting over your cankles.

I have a very close friend who struggled with issues of worthlessness her whole life. She would never speak in front of people because she didn't want to draw attention to herself. One day she got angry at her own weakness and decided to make a change. It took time to build confidence. She got braces, she changed her hair, and then she surprised us all. She is a wordsmith. She can talk circles around anyone arguing with her. Her success rate with convincing people that Jesus is the only way, is astounding. I believe Satan knew there was a calling on her life and he was trying to keep her quiet. What is he trying to keep quiet in you?

You are fighting a spiritual battle and you didn't even know it. Now you do.

So what do you do?

You fight spiritual warfare with prayer. You put on the armor of God and hold up the shield of faith-believing that you are called and chosen, and knowing that darts are going to be shot at you to make you think otherwise. You get angry and you fight back. When thoughts of your insufficiency's come seeping into your mind, you recognize them for the lies they are. Lies that are sent by your enemy to steal your purpose.



Now, everyone scream MOXIE!

The Heart of Insecurity

Who has confidence anyway? You do. You just don't know it yet. Every woman has the ability to look at herself (whether in the mirror or in heart) and say: "I really freaking like who I am".
Does it sound foreign? Absurd? It's really not, but lets get to the heart of the no confidence issue first.

Men. Need I say more? Daddies, boyfriends, ex-boyfriends and whoever the jerk was that coined what is beautiful in our century (Kate Moss-puke).
Yes, it's true; if daddy didn't find you valuable, and if daddy didn't tell you how enormously special you are, than it's probably likely that you don't know. It then seems inevitable-after this lack of fatherly attention, that when you, who doesn't know your worth begins to date-you will not know the difference between a guy who treats you well and one who doesn't. Your taste in men aside (we will most definitely discuss this later), you need to get to the place where you are happy with yourself despite what any "he" thinks of you. In fact the only "he" you need to be worried about is God-He is the only one you are ever going to answer to.
Okay, so we are disregarding all opinions. Mom, dad, sister, brother, friends, boyfriends. Why are we doing this again? Say it with me: because the only one that matters is God!
They are human, they are just as imperfect as you-get over it. Now, take the time to really let this next point saturate your mind: seeking human approval leads to lack of confidence.
Everyone has issues, everyone has faults, so why are you letting people decide what you are worth? It's absolute bullcrap-and be sure to remind yourself of that next time you do it. It's almost like letting a blind person tell you that you have no sense of style. How the crap would they know if you look good or not? Same, same girls. Don't let imperfection tell you what is good enough, what is pretty enough-who you are.

Psalm 119

Your hands made me and formed me;
give me understanding to learn your commands.

I have more insight than all my teachers,
for I meditate on your statutes.
I have more understanding than the elders,
for I obey your precepts.
I have kept my feet from every evil path
so that I might obey your word.
I have not departed from your laws,
for you yourself have taught me.

Homeboy above is confident-why? He is basing his confidence on God.

This is not the end of our confidence seminar. Next time, next step. Suck on this for a while.

I love you much,

Creating One's Self

I was speaking with a college gal the other day and some of the issues we were discussing made me have some serious hot flashes-menopause type. I guess even the thought of those dark years makes me get as sweaty as a poptart on a hot day. I'll tell you one thing, I'd never wish to be an early twenty something again. Those are the years when sweet memories of your childhood begin to fade and you endeavor on your journey into discovering what type of adult you are going to be. So, where am I going with all of this? .........
Create yourself. Take the time to do it. None of that finding yourself nonsense. Create! You cannot find what hasn't yet been created. I ran into a girl the other day who is in her mid to late twenties with the personality of a doorknob. Ever see Children of the Corn? -glassy eyed.....plastic smile......conversates about a boil her aunt Mavis had on her cankle last summer........

I'm just saying, if you don't go looking for who you want to be, you are never going to be anything special. Just another boring, brown spud in the wheel barrow of life.

How to Create a Fabulous Personality:

Watch some girls you admire in a social setting. (try not to look like a stalker). Steal from them. If you like the way Lucy Blondie says "hello" to her friends with a tinkling of her fingertips-start tinkling sweetheart. If you admire the way someone does something-then adapt it into your own personality. Don't copycat-make it your own.

Secondly; get interested to be interesting. Learn. If you don't know *hit, you are going to attract people of the same caliber. Research things that you've always wanted to know about. I can tell you anything you want to know about European History-monarchs are my specialty. Sounds boring? Not when I can produce juicy scandals about incest, sexual indiscretions and mental health. Did you know that Bloody Mary had two phantom pregnancies??? What are they? Go freaking research it! I can also speak extensively on psychology, theology, cultures and literature. I am a nerd yes, but at least I'm interesting. Become an expert in something other than celebrity gossip and fashion. People will want to listen to you if you have something good to say.

Third. Stand up and step outside of the box. Do somthing different that you've never tried before. Go somewhere you've never been. It's all part of the layers that go into building who you are. You might stumble onto some freak thing you are great at....like fencing...or polygamy-just kidding.

Fourth. Ask lots of questions. When you meet someone new find out who they are. So many people are so self absorbed all they want to do is talk about themselves and they never stop to ask about the other person. Find out where they are from, what type of home they grew up in, what they do with their spare time, who they are dating, where they have travelled to, where they want to travel to....So in other words be interested in someone other than yourself.

And last but certainly not least....learn from mistakes. Not just yours, the mistakes of others as well. If you see someone do something stupid that leads to bad consequences-don't go repeating what they did to see if you get different results. Hellloooo? Can you say stupid? If it screwed them, it's most likely going to bite you in the bum too. Wisdom is so charming. A person that keeps making the same ol' blunders is not only stupid, they are likely to never succeed. Moxie people-MOXIE!!

The P-word

I was standing next to this group of 'manyly men' (sung in vibratto), and they kept calling each other pussies. Pussy this and pussy that. Apparently you're a puss if you can't handle physcial pain, stay home to watch a chick flick with your girl instead of going to see Rocky XVI and order a glass of Pinot instead of a Bud. I found this vaginally offensive. I mean, why are men using the worlds most influential body part as a connotation of weakness? Men spend half their lives trying to access it momentarily and then bastardize and blaspheme its name. Prrretty sure the multi talented vagina not only has muscles strong enough to push out squirming, pink babies, it also functions as a self cleaning oven using its walls of muscle to squeeze out anything thats not supposed to be there. What can the penis do? You give it a little tap and men mewl like mauled kittens. It wilts with the affections of cold water and its goal in life is to find a...vagina! So, oh contrere' to you who throw around the p-word disrespectfully. We cannot pee standing up, but we are capable of using both our vagina and our brain at the same time.